


A List of Hungers

by anarchycox



Series: Anarchycox's 2019 Personal Writing Challenge [16]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, No actual sex, Relationship Negotiation, Virgin Merlin, conversations about sex, kinky eggsy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2020-01-31 13:22:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18592099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anarchycox/pseuds/anarchycox
Summary: Merlin and Eggsy have been dating for a while, and it is time to talk about sex





	A List of Hungers

**Author's Note:**

> checks off the virgin fic box on my trope bingo

“That was brilliant, babe,” Eggsy said as they finished dinner. “Really spectacular.”

“I am glad you enjoyed,” Merlin said and took their dishes to the sink. “An after dinner drink in the living room?”

“Sounds good,” Eggsy agreed and went down the hall. He was nervous about the talk he wanted to have with Merlin, but knew he needed to do it before they went any further. They had been dating eight months now, their first date being a celebration dinner after Merlin had finished PT and R&D had his custom legs all finished. He had always thought Merlin attractive, anyone with eyes would, and at first he had thought it was just a dinner between mates since Harry was in Germany coordinating with their people to get Kingsman properly running.

But there had been candles and champagne and Merlin all in a suit and smiling, and it took a couple hours of small touches and small smiles and Eggsy clued in maybe the dinner was more. Halfway through the shared dessert he had dropped his fork, “Wait, is this a date date?” And when Merlin’s face had fallen he had realized yeah it was and quickly added, “I am okay with it being a date date. Just so we are clear.” Eggsy kicked him a little under the table like they were twelve. “All the okay.”

The smile Merlin had given him as he kicked back, a little too hard, legs still needing to learn proper control, had Eggsy’s stomach get butterflies. And since then it had been romantic. Not as much time together as they’d like, but when they had the time, there were candlelight dinners, and walks at night, and goofy things like arcades and midnight movies they dressed up for, and just it was like a bloody romance novel. No one had ever treated Eggsy like this.

Courting, he had realized about six months in. Merlin was courting him.

They also hadn’t done more than make out and on one mission Merlin’s voice in his ear during his honeypot, which almost destroyed him. But that was it; he guessed it was part of the courting thing, but he was aching to be fucked by Merlin. Only, he figured before they moved to that part of their relationship they needed to talk. To see if what they wanted lined up. He paced in the living room and only stilled when Merlin came with two glass. “Thanks,” Eggsy said.

Merlin sat down and smiled up at him. “You have been nervous tonight.”

“I love you,” Eggsy blurted out. Oh, he didn’t expect those words to fall from his lips. He drank half the whisky in a gulp. He needed to make this better. “I want you to handcuff me to the bed, gag me, and edge me until I cry.” Yup, there we go, that would make it all better. He finished the whisky and stared at the wall. Don’t speak, don’t speak, don’t speak, he thought to himself but at this point he would not be able to stop the words from pouring out. “God Merlin, Kian, I want you to hurt me so much. I wank and dream of you almost every night. Tying me up, spanking me, nipple clamps, taking a strap to my back, making me where a plug all day so you can just bend me over and fuck me whenever you want. Jesus I’d let you fucking brand me, share me -”

“No,” Merlin replied firmly. “I share ye enough with work, I could never do that personally.”

“I’m not saying I need that, I just am saying, I’d let you.” Eggsy bit his lip. “I want you to fucking ruin me, and then put me back together. Again and again. Over and over. I want to feel you days later, when we are apart. I’m fine with just shagging, don’t need this all the time, but Merlin, I need you to hurt me. It would make me feel so good. Tie my hands behind my back and fuck my face as hard as you want. You can -” Eggsy cut himself off when Merlin raised a hand. “Sorry,” he said. Eggsy bit his lip and sank onto the sofa. He put the glass on the table that he had been gripping the whole time and buried his face in his hands. “I’m sorry.” 

The silence was heavy in the room, and Eggsy figured they were just about done. He was sure of it when Merlin said, “Excuse me for a minute.” He wanted to run, leave, and never come back. But he wouldn’t; he would try to fix this, maybe say he was joking. That would work. God, he hoped it would work.

“Hmmm, this site looks reputable enough,” Merlin said mostly to himself and came and sat back down on the couch. He had his tablet and a notebook, reading and sometimes stopping to write. “Now then, what sex shop do ye like best?”

“I’m sorry?”

“I own nothing that would suit any of what you said there, and need to know where to go,” Merlin looked up at him. “Storefront or online?” He scrolled. “This BDSM webpage, also sells supplies. Seems to have excellent reviews.”

“Huh?” Eggsy stared at him. “I don’t understand.”

“You said you have needs, desires, I am trying to fulfill them. Though I am at a bit of a loss. I trust I can have a few weeks to do research. I have used a whip before, though that was for herding cattle.”

“When the fuck did you herd cattle?” Eggsy asked. When Merlin was about to answer, he just shook his head. “I just...just like that?”

Merlin was reading. “It seems we need to create proper lists of things we like, things we tolerate, and things that are never ever happening. I like lists, yes this will be good. Oh they even have a link to a pdf checklist of 200 hundred kinks. I have to say, I didn’t know there were that many.”

“Neither did I,” Eggsy said. He reached over and gently took the notebook and tablet away from Merlin. “You are okay with this?”

“We’ll find out?” Merlin was hesitant, annoyed that his protective crutches had been taken away from him. “I haven’t done this before Eggsy, so I don’t rightly know what I’ll enjoy doing with you, to you, until we try it.”

Eggsy moved closer, needing Merlin’s warmth, “Well what have you done before in terms of kink?”

“Nothing, I said that.”

“No kinky stuff whatsoever?” Eggsy frowned. “Merlin, come on, even fairly vanilla people have spanked an arse once of twice.”

Merlin looked at him, “Eggsy, I haven’t done any of this before.”

“I know, you said, but did any of that sound good?” Eggsy leaned over and kissed him. He was addicted to Merlin’s dry lips. He climbed onto Merlin’s lap. “Tell you what, tonight we don’t worry about any of that. We fill out the check list later, have all the conversations we need to, and even go shopping. Because yeah I got a sex shop I like. But tonight, all I want is you to fuck me, nice and slow, yeah?” He wanted that desperately, and figured it would help get Merlin on even keel.

“Eggsy, I have nae done this before.” Merlin pushed him away a little. “I don’t have lube or condoms in the house.”

“How the hell don’t you even have those in the house?” Eggsy gave him a look. “Oh god, oh holy fuck, are you ace? Okay, okay, we can figure this out. I’m cool with that. Swear down, I am so sorry. Oh god, I’m a monster, and you need to -” Eggsy was trying to climb off Merlin horrified.

Merlin gripped him tight. “I thought I would be courting you a year before we shagged.”

Eggsy slumped against him. “You were courting me.”

“Aye,” Merlin said. “You deserved being treated well. You deserved being worshiped and valued.”

“I felt it,” Eggsy promised, “But uhh...can we add worshiping me with your dick, if you are into that idea.” 

“I am,” Merlin swore. “I want to make you feel good. Now how does one give a blow job? I have all the theoretical knowledge, but what exactly do you like?”

All thought emptied out of Eggsy’s brain at the thought of Merlin giving him a blow job; it was sex dream 9. But then a tiny bit of information slide back into his mind. “Theoretical?” His brain was helpful and provided all of what Merlin had said. “You’ve never given a blow job before? But you are old.” Eggsy paled. “I mean…” he slid off Merlin’s lap and moved to the other side of the couch. “Well, hasn’t this been the best conversation ever?”

Merlin laughed. “Aye, I am old, I suppose. Eggsy when I say I haven’t done this, I mean that quite literally. I have not had a single kinky experience, because I have not had an experience. I have not had sex, Eggsy. I have not had penetration, I have not had a blow job, hand job. I have had you in my lap, grinding down and then wanked when you went home. And that is that.”

“You taught our NLP training. And taught me things I hadn’t even thought of,” Eggsy felt faint.

“I am excellent at research,” Merlin replied easily. “A mix of psychology texts, porn, romance novels, and watching Harry on missions. It seems he is a spectacular lover, from what I’ve watched.”

“I don’t know if that is intriguing or disturbing,” Eggsy said. He frowned, “No we’ll just set that aside. You had every bloke in the room hard with the way you talked about sex, and you got all that from romance novels?” Eggsy paused and thought of their relationship. “Merlin have you taken all your cues for us from romance novels?”

“They seemed to have good ideas,” Merlin clearly wasn’t embarrassed. “When I have time, I like to read romances. Especially historical ones. Or then supernatural. Or second love. Or...I just like them all.”

“Really?”

“Eggsy, I have watched my best friend die. I have lead men to their deaths. I have stood on the edge of the end of the world, and lost my legs to save it. If in the few off hours I have, I want to read about happy ever after, well I think I am allowed.” Merlin looked at him. “Eggsy, I am very amenable to making you happy.”

“But…” Eggsy could not fathom it. “You are gorgeous and kind. Sweet, and clever, and hot. How the hell do you not fuck, if you aren’t ace? Are you demi? Is that the year of courting, seeing if you can get into me that way?” He was trying to make puzzle pieces fit with a blindfold on.

Merlin took their glasses and disappeared, returning in a moment with a few more fingers of whisky. “I knew I liked men, as soon as I understood liking men. And it was very clear to me that my family would not like that information. So I didn’t date, focused on my studies, getting out of my life. My grandmother knew, and on one hand she was okay with it, but when the first word of AIDS came, she was so scared I would get sick, that her prayers wouldn’t help me, I couldn’t, wouldn’t take any risks. She put the fear of god into me, in a way my father’s belt never did.” 

Eggsy had to move back close to Merlin; he hugged Merlin’s arm and leaned against him. “I am sorry.” His mum had never had a problem with him being bi. “So that explains what until you are thirty?”

“Or so,” Merlin shrugged. “By then I was the head of R&D and being groomed to be the quartermaster. A short week was 60 hours. I tried dating, and they all got annoyed I wasn’t available and dumped me.”

“And hookups?”

“I intensely dislike bar music,” Merlin replied.

“Yeah, I figured that one out, even when it is music you like, you’ll bitch about it being mixed wrong, or too loud. Umm...there are other ways to get laid.” Eggsy had stood on a street a few times.

“There are, but the cost always seemed high.”

“Well sure the safety risks, but you could afford one of those nice places.”

“No, I mean I once did a chart. The cost for a hooker of any quality vs amount of time sex takes, seemed like an inefficient use of money.”

“50 quid for a full shag seemed a lot. You’ve dropped 300 pounds on a dinner where I’ve given you at most a kiss good night.”

“Yes, but I got to be with you, your attention and your smile focused on me. I got to see you happy, and laughing and kicking me under the table to let me know you like me. To have you hook your pinkie over mine? I am getting a bargain.”

“Ugh, don’t be all perfect and cute, it doesn’t fit with your resting murder face. Stop it.”

“Stop telling you that I adore you? No,” Merlin grinned at him. “Now then, let us talk about clamps. You said you wanted those. Can I make them? I haven’t done metal work in a while. Be fun to do.”

“Kian, slow down,” Eggsy begged. He was trying to process it all. Merlin had never even shagged, and here he was ready to give Eggsy whatever he wanted. “Kian, we need to figure out what you like, before we jump to that.”

“I like you, so this should all work out.” Merlin reached out and took his tablet back. “200 kinks, with helpful categories. Well any body fluid but come and spit is out. I can tell you, willing to bruise you, scrape you, but no serious blooding of you. And I’ll nae piss on you, unless you get stung by a jellyfish.”

“That’s actually a myth.”

“Well then no piss at all,” Merlin nodded. “Excellent, a whole section completed. Also remove any of the sharing, cuckold, etc.” He was swiping on his tablet. “You like pain, so we’ll narrow those later. I have to admit, I am interested in blindfolds.”

“Okay?” Eggsy was completely at a loss. “Babe, how do you know that, if you haven’t?”

Merlin looked at him. “Do you not think I have nae dreamed about you Eggsy? I know what your body looks like naked, I have watched you fuck people, and know how your arse moves as you push into someone and have imagined you pushing into me. I have hungered for you every time you have smiled at me. I have wanted to see you on my bed, laid out beneath me, while I kiss every bit of your skin. I have wanted to kiss, lick, bite every part of you, so that you are fully known to my hands, my eyes, my mouth, that I am so drenched in the taste of you that I can never forget it. I have wanted to press my fingers to your skin, leave trails on you paths for me to find again the next night, so that even when they fade, they are so well trodden that you feel me half a world away. I want to open you up, make you come from just my fingers. I really want to be able to sit back and watch you fuck yourself on my fingers. Beg for my cock, beg for all of me. I want you to give me all of you, because you’ve never done that for anyone. You are going to be my first fuck, Eggsy, and if I have my way, my last fuck. But I am the first that you’ll truly give yourself too, and I think that counts a bit more than the fact that my dick hasn’t been in some man’s arse yet.”

“Gah,” was the noise that Eggsy managed to make at that point.

This time it was Merlin who moved to Eggsy. “I have not fucked before, but I dream of fucking you, my love, every damn night. I will take you, and you will take me, and sometimes it will be a battle, and others a gift. I want to worship you, and if that includes tying you up, and introducing you to the devil, burying you in pain until you come out the other side and see the face of god and to them speak only my name, well it will be my pleasure to do that to you.” He cupped Eggsy’s face and the little blood Eggsy had left in his brain was gone. “Now how about you tell me exactly how you like your fucking blow jobs, lad, so I can treat you right?”

“Bedroom?” Eggsy squeaked.

“It is this way,” Merlin said and stood and hauled Eggsy up. “I think this will be an interesting experience. You teaching me. Let’s see how quick a learner I am at my old age.”

“Sorry about the old comment.”

“I’ll make you pay for it one day.”

“God, but I am looking forward to that day.”

Merlin’s grin was wicked and he brought Eggsy’s hand to his mouth. But he didn’t kiss the back, like he had on some dates. He turned it over and nipped at Eggsy’s wrist. “As am I, my love.” Another bite and he was leading the way to his bedroom.

One day was two months later and Eggsy had never paid a better price.


End file.
